clarification

i appreciate everyone who reached out to me on Facebook after my last posting.  i appreciate all the advice and i truly welcome it as i am fully aware that there is so much more i have to learn in this life.  i do feel like i need to clarify my situation a little bit though.

the struggle that i'm having is not actually a lack of fulfillment at home and a desire to go back to work.  its actually the opposite.  i love being at home with my kids.  i never even considered daycare an option for me.  (side note--i'm not trying to offend anyone that does.  i respect your choices.  i just never wanted that for myself).  my struggle is should i have that desire?  should i want something more?  when i mentioned that i felt alone its because i honestly haven't met a fellow mother that isn't "busy" doing something...whether its work or a hobby or a list of projects.  i personally don't have that and i feel like i'm missing something.  does that make more sense?  there are so many inspirational people that have in and out of my life and i'm grateful for the influence that everyone has had on my life.  i just can't help but feel like i missed the memo that everyone else received.

i do need to say that i am happy.  i have my days like everyone else...one of them being when i wrote last :) but for the most part i feel like there is light in my life and there is purpose.  i just know there is more and i firmly believe that if i really strive to find out what that is instead of waiting for someone to give it to me (which is what i've done up to this point...i know that, but its hard to change.  that's the reality of it) i will find it.  i need to be more serious about prayer and study and faith.  things just don't come as easily for me as they do for others.  once i truly accept that, i can move forward.  anyone have a magical recipe for that by any chance ;)